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Summer..summer has a special meaning to me. The blooming of the lovely flowers of a myriad of every shade imaginable to men, blue and purple violets, golden sunflowers, dandelions, roses, anything u name it, i see it..not bunga raya tho..hahahah! The trees are leafy once again, the carbon polluted air from charcoal burning is gone, the lack of need to wear more than 1 layer of clothes is gone, people kicking footballs and monkeying around..ahh yess....summer...summer just.................

SUCKS! its so DAMN HOT! argHHH! man! im dying here! I can't cycle to and fro from uni without sweating! walking to church on Sundays are just a trip that severely tests my faith..HAHAHA! The air has this weird flying transparent orangey stuff that as you cycle with the might borne from desperation to get out of the sun back home, it sometimes goes into your mouth! EWWW! 

Its HOT. I'm Pissed.

Grrr..

Just made my way back from a wonderful holiday in london and then glasgow and a bit of edinburgh. A jumble of emotions that rush through my head when I left, was albeit overwhelming. Feelings of pain, the acute rush of loneliness that overpowered me, forcing the overproduction of tears. The suddenness of the lack of company of one so loved really pierces the soul, and crushes the willpower..anyway..to the main point..

There is something in all of us that is really ugly. In some of us it manifests itself so easily, in some of us, it is covered up like a dreaded disease and later let it all out at one shot. Unhealthy as this ugliness seems to be, it seems like we ALL have it.

Anger. An emotion so strong that just sometimes takes over our rational thinking, rational acting, just sweeps it all away in a powerful wave of fury, bitterness, violence, etc. Sight dimmed, attention focused, the anger practically flows throughout our body, giving it a pool of inhuman strength to cause as much if bodily harm possible, words to say that hurts to the core, removing common sense, leaving us no better than primal creatures..

In my recent travels to the capital of Scotland, Edinburgh, for a New Years celebration, I came face to face with an anger of such cosmic proportions that I really saw a new part of me, a part actually thinking of and capable of hurting a person physically. As we made our way back through the people-packed streets, my hand holding hers, me walking in front, dragging her along, I was suddenly tugged to a halt when a person stopped her to give her a kiss on the LIPS.

Withing less den half a second my face felt so hot, my visual field narrowed to just the face of that person, my world just centered around that very person. I could really feel so much blood rushing to my fists and feet, and at that moment I believed that had I gone through with even taking a single step towards that person, I wouldn't have stopped beating him. The thought of breaking his nose, the blood gushing out, still beating and punching till his teeth broke apart, his eyes swollen, his jaw broken, blood everywhere, at that time seemed highly..satisfying..

Frightening is it not?..The very knowledge that I was capable of doing that when provoked sufficiently still frightens me quite a bit. Never having started a physical fight, or hardly participating in one, always using just words as a sword, it was really an eye opener for me, to meet an anger deep within, to face it, to conquer it and not let it take control.

And then, defeated, the anger simmers, seating itself deep down again. Of course, the overwhelming urge to kill was gone, but the thought of breaking his nose and jaw was still highly entertaining..

As the dreary days pass by in an unending rhythm of monotony, life seems to be so meaningless...go to the hospital, come back, go for lectures, come home and make some crappy meal n bathe and TRY to study. Haven't had much luck with that though. End up sleeping late because of watching this addictive series, HOUSE.

HOUSE. Now I wonder if there ever was a better tv series ever created. This show presents itself with a vast amount of medical knowledge, cutting witty sarcasms, and ethical questions.

Ethics, right or wrong, procedures, protocols, rules and regulations, and the like. This series brings to mind so many issues in a medical doctor's life that many doctors face oh so often. How often does following the "rules" actually help in a real doctor's life? Crisis, bring people to a state mind where, instincts usually overrule rational thought. Saving a life of a person who does not want to be saved? But when you are in a room when the patient goes code blue, is that the first thing that comes to mind? That the patients want NOT to be saved? And if we do end up saving them, is it worth getting sued over? Is it worth getting into all that trouble just to do what our job entails? Or would it be easier to just wash our hands off that particular patient, respecting their decision to letting them die? When a cure might be around the corner, though it would take time to figure out? Are there times when the rules must be followed and times when it is NOT? Trying to figure that out still...

Death, a very real real complication of many diseases, sometimes make me wonder, am I ready to be a doctor now? To plunge myself into the real world of pain, suffering and sickness? Am I strong enough to face the challenges of the real world? Probably not, so luckily I'm still a medical student. LOL, but anyways, I don't know. I'm still praying for an answer.

Something a patient in the tv serial HOUSE said "I believe in people. I'd rather think that people are good and be disappointed every now and then, instead of being cynical and thinking of the worst about everyone". Now this simple statement made a lot of sense. From differing perspectives of different individuals, I would think that many people in the world judge a person before knowing them (YEA YEA I'm that darned guy and yea yea I'm trying to change ;P), but there are so many facets to a person's personality, to a person's being, that just by mere glances or interactions with them, no possible way is there to judge a person. In my entire life there are so few people that I've met that actually do not judge people that I was really mystified when I came across that person, of whom is very close to my heart. Ever since then, I've been trying, to see good in every person I meet, but occasionally it still happens, but it is just that, watching this on tv again really drags up old memories.

I guess life is really an interesting journey, of which there is so much to learn and live. The diversity of the human genome, creating endless combinations, the vast amount of differences that we have afterall, makes us human, all prone to right and wrongs. So who is right and who is wrong? We all find our own truths I suppose. Praise the Lord.

Due to popular demand, I gotta use this blog as a...a...DIARY! ugh...Anyway, I'm in Galway right now and yes the weather is really fantastic, cold and all, but the drawbacks is that it is so darned rainy! But people say that the weather right now, isn't as rainy as its usually supposed to be...*ARGHS*...So anyway, the apartment that I currently reside in, is a nice 20 minute walk away from the Clinical Science Institute where we have our lectures, which is about another 5+ minutes from the main campus. So everyday its a 20 minute "muscle-wasting walk"(its how Old Man would put it anyway) to the university, and back, and in yea, the "NICE" rain...not counting the extra half an hour plus that is needed for the journey...*sniff*

BUT!!!, since I've gotten my BICYCLE!, journey to the CSI has gotten increasingly sweet! LOL! Cycling is so much fun, especially since the winds here are so strong and u really have to cycle your hardest to go home after a tiring day xD ! Owning a bicycle here has a couple of cons, first, my arse hurts bad because the seat sucks thought I'm getting used to it, second, it costs so damned much, even when my dad gave me the go to buy 1, I try to eat only an apple for lunch to save what i spent...T_T...and what bike doesn't come with a mudguard! & yea they DO CHARGE YOU FOR IT! But the worst part of owning a bicycle here...is that the knowledge of the fact that bicycles here are stolen so often even with locks...so there is endless worry that I'll 1 day come back and find it gone...Just like on that fateful Christmas day...*my dear wira, and digicam, you'll always have a place in my heart*...*sniff*...

University has gotten very very busy, there are attachments to the hospital in the mornings at 8am, and lectures all the way till about 6-7pm everyday, so by the time its all over, dinner cooked and eaten, its close to 9pm, and yes its tiring and yes I still do fall asleep in front of the computer...sigh...so the only real time there is to study is on the weekends...Besides, sometimes when I do get back early at about 6, there is like, 2-4 episodes of the Simpsons at 1 shot! and Scrubs and stuff! Gee...

About classes, it ain't too hard because we've gone through most of it and though I've forgotten most of it, I guess it does make studying easier, and in the hospital, when they demonstrate those CSU stuff that we've learnt in IMU, and I see my batchmates fumble at it, I can smile and go HAHA inside! LOL! ROFL! LMAO!

A problem that I'm currently trying to solve lately would be...WHAT TO EAT! Everyday its the same, it basically revolves around eggs, bread (which comes in really huge portions you gotta eat it everyday to finish it before the expiry date), fried chicken, and maggi mee and apples...pasta seriously sux after eating it more then twice or so...I believe the word for it is JELAK...or something of that sort. I've really gotta find something else to eat. I WANT SUGGESTIONS PLS! BABA, not from you because I know that you're gonna ask me to eat out and you can't fry an egg or boil water, and not you either OWLEE, because I'm not interested in eating rats! xD

Galway is really an expensive place to live for a Malaysian, and I cant bear the thought of eating out or spending for anything at all, other then groceries...and another thing would be that the Irish do nothing for fun other then drinking and some weird Irish sports called Hurling, which is something like hockey but quite different, and Gailleigh football where u can kick and run with the ball in your hands and bounce it! Man is it different or what...Anyway, the Gym is damned expensive, 150 euros a year, which transalates to about RM 750 a year! But since I'm sharing it with banat I suppose it isn't that bad...

Thats it for now, ever since coming here I haven't gotten much of a chance to get my thoughts together to write something more meaningful other than daily nonsense...GARRR!